Got up in the morning and had an idea for the background of a new work… had started the thought process yesterday and sketched a little too on canvas but didn’t know where it would lead to so just left it so that it could speak to me.
‘The Rift’- working title, might change it or maybe not, will see in a few days. An acrylic painting on 2 separate canvases and yet part of one whole work.
The rift of the heart and the mind, the rift between two cultures, between two countries, between identities… for me at the moment between my 2 countries: 4 years in Britain and nearly 23 years in India. 4 years might seem short compared to time spent in India but I have grown my roots in Britain, adjusted well to a new country, new people, new food, new mannerisms, new humour!! India now seems like a distant dream with happy memories spent with friends and family.
Initially when I came to London, I thought I wouldn’t miss India because for me it was the people that made the country and I kept in touch with it’s people- parents, friends, in-laws. I communicated through phone calls, emails, video chats and it all seemed the same. Family visits us in London and we visit them in India- it all seems perfect.
The visits back home are nice- the food, the laughs, the wars between mum and me, the mellow daughter- in-law behaviour, the humidity (Bombay!), the Agra trip with my parents, the house, daddy’s official Ambassador, the dogs, the fancy weddings, the oh so many relatives visits! I do want to come back to the UK after everything because this is now “home”. In London, the first day I miss the people and the chitter chatter and the constant noises/sounds… but one gets back to routine here and India seemes distant again.
But it’s like this knot which remains untied, no matter what, a stubborn knot- I think of the smells, the places, the memories spent at those places, the casual college dressing, the running after Bombay BEST buses, the ‘geris’ with friends in Chandigarh, the non sensical humour which makes you laugh and it is then- I realize a part of me still longs to go back.
It all seems flowery though in thought but when I go back, at times places have changed, the usual hang out place is demolished and some pink-orange coloured buliding has come up. Friends are getting married, some having cute babies and I realize everyone and everything moves on. The country has moved on too and I have no right to make it or it’s people stop for my own selfish reasons- let a new set of people build thier own memories in a new pinky-orangey building!
So, I’m here in Britain and in India at the same time- loyalties to both countries- irritated sometimes with both- but happy with my dual homes! 🙂 But a rift will always remain in the heart- currently it’s the countries but even if I go back to India and settle there, they’ll be a new rift- between my 2 identities (a post on it some other day).
Btw, yesterday’s painting title confirmed: The End of Spring. <the end of my spring really- saw a few grey hair in the mirror- shocking, hehe- I am now officially getting old and wiser, ha!>