… painting a world of my own!

Spent the entire day at Tate Modern last friday… observing the works of the ‘isms’ to ‘Pop’, from ‘poetry & dream’ to ‘states of flux’… Bacon, Monet, Warhol, Dali, Al Weiwei, Rothko, Picasso, Anish Kapoor… and then suddenly out of the blue I came across this painting… a painting I had seen in 1995, at Tate Britain!

Abstract Painting by Vanessa Bell.

I was 10 yrs old then and came as a tourist with my parents… maybe it was the simplicity or the bright colours, it attracted me and I remember copying its composition in a diary and writing down which colour went in which ‘box’, so that when I reached home back in India, I would copy this painting! I don’t remember making one though or maybe I did?? Hmmm… but I had totally forgotten about the whole incident till I saw this work and everything came back in a flash. 🙂 As a 10 yr old I did not even know I would want to be an artist one day but life gives you simple clues, it is upto us how we tread the paths.

I covered every floor of the Tate (clap, clap), saw the artist movies in the interactive zone, spent a good time photographing the works I liked, took a break and sat on a comfortable sofa reading my book and eating my hummus wrap. 😉 Finished the Tate after 5-6 hours and later visited the Bankside gallery nearby, showing watercolours paintings by the members of the Royal Watercolour Society.

Later as I walked a little more along the bank observing the beautiful Millennium Bridge, I got inspired to make the paintings posted below… one at the end of a clear day, when the sun is setting and the colours are spread across the sky like paints splashed across a canvas, the sunlight on everything it touches and so I chose to the make the whole painting in vermillion & crimson, the view across the Thames, sitting on the stairs under the bridge… the second painting of a rainy night when everything is blurry, one can see the lights from the buildings, the hazy reflection in the river, a lit lamp reflecting on the rainy road…

Have submitted the first painting for the ‘London Lives’ competition, fingers crossed! 🙂

Titled ‘Trapped’, oils on canvas, made in 2009.

Oxford House at Bethnal Green organized a competition on the theme of  ‘People and Portraiture’ and I submitted the above work and it got selected! 🙂 The opening is today and I will be going for it in the evening.

In 2009, I managed to free myself a little from my self created trap and made this work… I came back to my roots, I came back to my art; even though then it was for a short while but atleast something worthy came out if it!

Everyone has ‘things’ trapped in them; emotions that were never shown or voiced out, distant memories we clutch on to, fading faces carved to remember them… and at times we are trapped by the negatives; the voices in our head, preconceived notions, fear, prejudices, our comfortable zone… we try hard to free ourselves and not fall a victim to it; some succeed, some don’t.

Maqbool Fida Husain, the great artist who passed away last month (1 day before I quit ‘work’) had quoted a poet in a book, a book I read 6-7 years back but I still remember the words clearly: “pinjare mein reh kar, pinjare se ho gayi ulfat; mein khud hi noch leta hoon jo mere par nikal aatey hain.”  Loosely translated: Living in a cage, I’ve fallen in love with it; I scratch my own wings when they sprout out.

From an old photograph, taken at Gurdaspur, Punjab.

I remember the day vaguely… 4 or 5 years old perhaps, in the garden on a sunny day in the winters. My mum had given me a fresh new ”Sadhna cut” (Sadhna- Indian film actor, had a fringe like the beautiful Audrey Hepburn!). I think my grandmother was coming that day to visit us for a few weeks. There was a big Dahlia flower in the garden and I posed with it! 🙂

I’ve always wanted to work with old childhood and family photographs… there’s something about them, the memories… time captured to relive the moment again and again… the moment passes, days become months, months become years but the photograph remains unchanged, slightly faded perhaps but the moment is frozen in the humdrum of life. Apart from childhood photographs, I would like to work with some old memories, like shoe laces (my dad taught me how to tie them), fascinated me as a child, how two strings tied together looked like a butterfly to me then! Then there’s my first bicycle, learnt how to ride it in the same garden where the dahlia had bloomed!

I bought lots of canvases over the weekend, some very big ones and I plan to start working on these ‘memories’ soon. I have a deadline coming up for a competition at the moment and I need to make something for its theme. I started one work today but not too happy to submit it for this competition (Millennium Bridge on a rainy night- on my website). I have another idea so will work on that now… just need to get it right, aargghhhh!

Finally my internet is sorted and I can get back to writing here! 🙂

Above- ‘Aphrodite in love’ (acrylics on canvas)

 Finished this painting on monday, she’s been haunting me since quite some time now! Actually I’d done a practice sketch of it ages back on a small sheet of oil paper and I had then thought I  shall make her on a big canvas soon but my stupid job (which you now know I have quit) was killing all the creativity and energy I had left in me! Anyway, I had copied the image from it’s bronze head picture from a mythology book. I had bought the book from a second hand book seller on the banks of the river Thames, ‘Encyclopedia of World Mythology’- foreword by Rex Warner. I remember seeing a cast of the  bronze head of Aphrodite in the British Museum shop, someday I will buy it- when my paintings generate enough revenue! 😉 

Mythology has fascinated me to a certian extent, probably by watching TV serials on Indian myths on sunday mornings as a child, or probably the art history lessons taught in JJ (most of my batch mates slept during the lectures!). 🙂 Or, maybe deep down I would like to create my own ‘mythological’ world where I have super natural powers, revealing my superhuman acts to the big bad world with whom I shall take revenge and then achieve rank and be paid homage!!! Yes, I shall keep dreaming on…

For the Greeks, mythos meant ‘fable’, ‘tale’, ‘talk’, ‘speech’, but finally came to denote ‘what cannot really exist’. (reference from the book).

The Egyptian gods and goddesses, the myths of ancient Rome and Greece and now reading this book at lesiure, I realize Europe (Scandinavain countries) too had their own mythical world and here I am in England today, famous for it’s celtic stories of King Arthur and the Holy Grail legends… fascinating!!

It is interesting to see that the creation of the world and the origin of mankind is common to so many myths, across different cultures. The myths are sometimes regarded as sacred stories and many legends and folk tales will talk about heroic deeds of the characters, the good defeating the evil, evil in the form of demon… common themes for the Hindi film industry, the ‘demon’ becomes the villian or a criminal… Jai/Veeru versus Gabbar Singh! 😉

Artists have always tried to portray mythology in their works… in ancient Egypt, the sun god ‘Ra’ portrayed by a falcon head and a sun disk and in Roman myths, ‘Apollo’ is the sun god, portrayed sometimes with a lyre, because he was also the god of music- Jack of all trades, eh? 🙂

A fine example of mythology in art, Botticelli’s,  ‘Birth of Venus’-

The goddess of love, Venus emerging from the sea in a shell on the sea shore… a certain delicacy, light and airy quality to this work- will always remain a favourite!

Coming to my Aphrodite- she was the ancient Greek goddess of love, beauty, generation and fertility. She was also considered the divine patron of marriage and figures in Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey. The half broken bronze head that I copied this image from is beautiful but I feel somehow doesn’t give justice to the qualities Aphrodite was known for hence my vision of ‘Aphrodite in love’, as seen above- the joy of love with a rose in her hair but at the same time the sadness it brings portrayed by her melting face… the bright background for the passion and the small patterns in crimson/brown symbolizing marriage (traditional henna motifs on a South Asian’s bride’s hands).

The practice sketch below, oils on paper-

Will probably consider putting ‘Aphrodite in love’ for the Brick Lane gallery exhibition in August… hmmm, let’s see!

(text on the flag- “do not be a mere imitator with no firm determination… school yourselves… if people do good so should you. But if people do evil shun their evil deeds.”)

Neda Agha-Soltan, 1983-2009

I know it’s been two years but her death resonates with me even today. When Neda died in June 2009 in the streets of Tehran, by a sniper who shot her in the heart, the mobile footage of her dying and the mass demonstartions that followed were shown on television and I remember seeing everything fleetingly in the papers and the news but maybe I was selfish and didn’t think much of it, the chores of my life seemed more important and so, did not pay much attention to the whole ‘episode’. And for that, I am sorry Neda.

More 4 showed a documentary ‘For Neda’ at 10 pm on June 21 and it was then I realized what she and her death signified to Iran, to this world. A young girl who believed in herself, had the courage to pursue her dreams, stood up to what was right and had the determination in her to make a mark in Iran’s oppressive regime. She was like any other Iranian youth, who had a dream to see her country change for the better, where her aspirations wouldn’t be ridiculed by the government, where she could walk boldly on the streets on her way to the music class, where the ‘religious police’ wouldn’t come and bother her to tell whether she was dressed appropriately or not.

Persia once the centre of science and technology, where Persian scientists contributed to mathematics, medicine… where astronomy, art and philosophy evolved… the same Persia today which is the  ‘Islamic Republic of Iran’, run by a president and a religious supreme leader who know nothing about Islam by the way; making laws on how to lead one’s life, making people believe what they think is right or wrong. However, I am so happy to see the united Iranians today, standing up against this regime and questioning it’s tactics.

Neda was out on the streets of Tehran demonstarting for days just like the million other people, after the disaster of the June 2009 elections. I should mention that people rallied peacefully but the government (like so many governments of this world) was afraid of the ‘power of the people’ and so started their own dirty game of restoring to violence, to ‘silence’ them! And one day, like any other day in the short but beautiful life of Neda, she was killed, by a government goon.

The demonstrations that followed after her death are days that will be marked in history. Neda meaning ‘voice’ in Persian truly became the voice of the people… the government on the other hand, came up with sloppy stories regarding her death, blaming it on western intelligence spies, calling her death a stunt… and other lies. They did not even let her have a proper burial and the ‘great’ Islamic Republic of  Iran did not let her family out of the house on her memorial day, an important day in Iranian culture and religion… so ironical. The government was fearful of a dead person??

Here was a 26 year old woman who adored her family, liked dressing up like any other girl, fell in love, had the courage to seek knowledge, studied the truth about religion (and not what the government led universities wanted her to learn), listened to the pop melodies of Googoosh and took secret music lessons, travelled to places, learnt new languages, read so many books… a curious mind wanting to live her life to the fullest!

I think of Neda with moist eyes- crimson blood streams running down the face, becoming lifeless in the footage that shook the world… but I promise you dear Neda- I shall remember you not with a tear in my eye but with a smile and as an inspiration; to learn to live my life to the fullest, seek what the heart desires and live a life of achievements, big or small.

And for you Neda, I dedicate this painting!

PS: A must read- Marjane Satrapi’s ‘Persepolis’: The Story of a Childhood and The Story of a Return.

The Sahara: an affair to remember, tales to tell…  

Now, if it was upto me I would be in two minds, “to go or not to go”- but that wasn’t the question for Junaid! 🙂 He you see, likes his adventures and so like an obedient wife (yeah, right!!?) I gave him the green signal! 😉

I did not take my sketch book or canvas when we started our journey in the desert, the experience was meant to be remembered through the senses; visual, hearing, smell (and taste too after the lovely tagine meal in the middle of nowhere). With a wonderful berber guide singing and our camels trodding along, just the 3 of us with not a soul around, taking each moment with a deep breath. Occasionally we would see a jeep full of tourists passing by! The giant of a jeep leaving its tyre marks on the deep red sand of the desert- so out of place- silly “tourists”(!) wanting to experience the Sahara in a jeep and an air conditioned tent- go home please and watch it on TV instead!

We had set off in the evening and the day came to a  close soon. Seeing the sun setting behind the dunes and the stars showing up in a pitch black night, deep in the desert and no more tyre marks to be seen! Was I scared? Initially nervous but later one just forgets it and goes with the flow… Yes, I shrieked when my camel was going down a very steep dune but did not fall over! 😉 (Alas, it could have been a funny anecdote to tell people!) I’m sure Junaid on his camel behind must have had a laugh at my expense!

After losing our way in between because of a sand storm, we did manage to reach our humble tent (after a journey of 3 hours), a tiny ray of light coming near it was a relief to see! I was tired and exhausted and dreamt of home back in London but when I lay down in the open outside the tent, saw the starry night gazing at me, I forgot everything, these were moments to live for- with no worries of the world, a moment so pure!

Since then the whole experience has fascinated me and the memory is embedded in my mind’s eye and the paintings come from there.

‘Caravan’ reminding me of the camel journey (have taken the artistic liberty to make 3 camels even though we had only 2- composition you see!) and the effect of the zig zag sand- scraping off the paint and the layer below seen… ‘Window to the Sahara’ is going in between huge dunes, huge heaps of sand centuries old, a green mass of land turning slowly into what it is today, the texture of the sand emphasized on the mount, a space left in the middle of the painting-a void that can never be filled, only by experiencing it in reality… ‘Caught in a sandstorm’, in our colourful tent that became so engulfed in the storm that the colours couldn’t be seen anymore, with eveything so hazy around and then next morning I got up with the sand on my face and in my mouth! 😉  Seems like a pastel effect in this one but all 3 done in acrylics.

More paintings to come on the Sahara and Maroc… an adventure never to be forgotten!

Got an email from an old friend today, my ‘bestest’ mate in art school! Had sent her photographs of my new works… even though she has now become an accessory designer and is not into mainstream painting, I still update her with my works and I appreciate her honest opinions! Both of us went to art exhibitions together, supported each other throughout our stint in JJ, had difference of opinions at times (!), encouraged each other to strive for the best! I remember going to the Jehangir Art Gallery together and after seeing the exhibitions, would go to our favourite ‘bhel puri’ guy, and then hang about near Colaba Causeway or sit near the Gateway of India. Bose Krishnamachari once had an installation show at the Max Mueller Bhavan, near Jehangir… installation of all his favourite books and films- Mariesha and I spent the whole day in the room reading books and watching films! 🙂

Now when I was in JJ, I hated working in acrylic colours, I found the medium very plastic and lifeless and stuck to watercolours and oil colours. I painted a lot in watercolours before I joined JJ… love the freshness and the transparency in them. And oils? Where do I start? There’s something about oils- the fineness, the grace, a stroke of them on my canvas takes me to another level… a lot of my works during art school and up till now have been in oils. And then one day when I was in an art shop (Owen Clark in Ilford), I saw a set of acrylics and decided there was no harm buying them regardless of the fact whether I touch them or not and maybe some day I could try! The tubes were gathering dust for a long time and one day taking pity on them, I decided to go ahead and use them! My first painting in acrylics was ‘Where have the flowers gone?’ I was a little confused at first with it’s application but slowly and steadily got a little hang of it, built layers on layers… the result seemed okay but I wasn’t greatly impressed! I didn’t touch them for a long time… the only thing that impressed me that unlike oils they didn’t take ages to dry and there was no smell of linseed oil in my room since acrylics are water based!! (though I have now heard there are oil colours today which are water based(huh?) and no oil is required for binding so no smell).

 So maybe because of it’s quick drying time I started using them more… initally with the background of  ‘Silent Memories’, with charcoal… then a full painting with no other medium to support, in ‘Caravan’. Finally in ‘No windmills in the mind’ I realized unlike the “plastic” effect I thought they had, with the right application they could be so fluid and can strike a right balance between watercolours and oils- 2 mediums that I love! And now all my recent works have been in acrylics, like the images with this post and the posts below. Ofcourse my love for oils will never diminish but as of today, I’m loving it and plan to make more works with them!

So thank you Dr. Otto Rohm who invented the the acrylic resin somewhere in the late 1940s, early 1950s- my works and myself are indebted to you! And thank you to my dear friend Mariesha, seeing you work in acrylics made me curious about the medium! 🙂

It’s funny that some of the western countries trying to ‘mediate’ in Libya and Syria today, trying so very hard (!) to give the Libyans and the Syrians their freedom have completely forgotten a simple mantra of ‘practice before you preach’!

I am not here to write some philosophical or political viewpoint but just being honest to what I feel: take France for example, stands up for liberty and equality and yet chooses to adopt the burkha (naqaab) ban law. Now, I personally may not believe in wearing one and covering my face but I respect other people’s choices- I have a few friends who never wore one but wear it today: they are still my friends! The west tolerates nudity in the form of cinema, TV, people wearing (or not wearing anything) skimpy clothes on the road… so if someone is comfortable in not “showing”, what is the problem? A lot of women wear the burkha today out of  choice and not out of compulsion so all that talk about freeing the oppressed and hence adopting the law, I feel is stupidity! The last time I remember we were living in the 21st century…. or maybe I am mistaken, maybe we still live in a world where “civilized” and “modern” means wearing western clothing and the rest all is “native wear”??

I agree eveything is not black and white but only IF we maintained the balance… The west still feels superior to the rest of the world for their values and principles on  secularism, human rights, freedom of speech and expression; which are all very well but then why the double standards? Did they forget human rights when they were bombing Iraq or Afghanistan? Oh no, at that time it was protecting their people… protecting from whom may I ask- the Iraqi/Afghani people who were going out to work from their humble homes for a daily living and got killed on the way? Yes, it is very sad seeing soldiers die in “war” today but there are hundreds more people in different parts of the world getting butchered in the name of religion, suicide bombings, honour, dowry… they don’t seem to make “good” news so let’s just focus on the next Katie Price or the ‘war on terror’!

I know my thoughts written above are all ramblings and may seem disjointed but there is so much going on inside my head and I wish to express some (if not all) through my artworks. I have tried to bring up issues that affect me in the past and infact today made a painting in acrylics, “the death of freedom”.

If anyone gets a chance to watch ‘Osama’, please do- a 2003 film made in Afghanistan, a story of a young girl living under the Taliban regime.

I love London, love it, love it, love it!! So many museums, countless art galleries, lots of  hidden, undiscovered places, so much creativity- there’s a buzz everywhere you go! Right when I got off at South Kensington tube station and I was passing through the subway, I could hear a person busking on a guitar, what a beautiful, soothing melody! When I got closer, he was playing this tune for a mum and her baby in the pram and the child was listening to it intently! What a beautiful sight, got a smile on my face! I knew it then it was going to be a lovely day! 🙂

Right, so today I thought I shall visit the Victoria and Albert Museum, I worked on paintings two days and decided I will do a visit to an arty place for inspiration and what better than than the V&A, the world’s largest art and design museum. I knew I wouldn’t be able to cover the full museum so got hold of a map at the entrance and decided to see Level 1 thoroughly… bloody tiring I tell you but loved all of it!

The Asian section particularly interested me for obvious reasons(!!) so started with South Asia; beautiful textiles, out of this world jewellery dating the Mughal period (I LOVE THE MUGHAL STYLE OF JEWELLERY!!!), miniature paintings from Company artists (paintings done by the native artists for the British regime, when India was ruled by the East India Company), miniatures showing Sikh soldiers (Maharaja Ranjit Singh with his chief minister’s son, Hira Singh), one work showing a prince trying to woo his angry lover (glad to know some men in those days took the effort to win the hearts of their women and were romantic enough!). There were Jain manuscripts on display and the influence of their architecture and art in the Mughal paintings/buildings in the beginning of the Mughal rule since they employed local artists. There were some art students and art lovers as well sitting infront of the miniature paintings trying to draw a part of the paintings… a chair of their own, a set of pencils and a skecth book, that’s all one needs; can’t be bothered with who is around or who is  watching! (I used to do it too in the Chandigarh museum when I was back from Bombay on holidays!). There were intricate ivory furniture with beautiful carvings and motifs. There was also a timeline showing events in India and in Britain side by side, one thing that struck me: when the Portuguese surrendered Bombay to the British, the Great Plague struck London…. hmmm!!!

Later went to the Islamic Middle East section- first thing that came to mind was the grandeur! Huge carpets, pieces of silk with beautiful motifs, iznik tiles from Turkey, vases and jugs with beautiful precious stones and intricate work! The imagery on the astronomical instruments,  perfect geometric patterns and the most striking calligraphy! Pieces from Persia, Turkey, Syria, Egypt… the sermon stand from a museum in Cairo (if I remember correctly), oh what beautiful carving on the wood! I looked at it all and I thought so much art and creativity came from this side of the world and look what has happened now!  I agree with all the revolutions and the uprisings that have taken place and are taking place in the Arab world, down with dictatorship and I’m all for secularism and democracy. I would love to see art flourish on a larger scale from the middle east, paint what you want, keep your minds open and be true to your art; not get bogged down by ridiculous rules and conventions. You can be an artist and muslim at the same time: I am! I  don’t need to justify myself to please others… so all artists out there from any part of the world, paint for yourself, express your feelings, keep an open mind, love and embrace eveything you stand for and the art will come out naturally!

Coming back to the tangent (!), I must say the art of Japan interested me more than China’s but then that’s my viewpoint. I loved all the minute details to the furniture- the chest of drawers, chairs, the tables: what patience, wow! The clothes, the men’s hats… the ‘netsuke’, small sculptures to attach containers to the kimonos (robes). Because these robes did not have pockets and people needed to store their personal belongings like money, tobacco etc., these ‘netsukes’ were invented. So one places their things in a container and hangs it with the cords on the robe, these containers were small boxes or pouches (which I saw were beautiful too!). Wikipedia says,“The fastener that secured the cord at the top of the sash was a carved, button-like toggle called a netsuke.” Hope I managed to explain it well! 😉 Another thng that struck me were the swords, the artwork on them, brilliant- reminded me of the Hattori Hanzo swords from ‘Kill Bill’, hehe.

Talking about another section of the floor, the Medieval and Renaissance galleries: personally  I love the Renaissance period but after the beauty and intricacy of the Asian section, this great art period felt a little bland. Maybe I was tired after all the time spent in the previous sections. Nevertheless, sat and observed the beautiful marble sculptures, the frescoes, the stained glass painting depicting a nativity scene. A panel of Margaret the Virgin, was on display. Some consider her to be the patron saint of pregnancy- her life depicted in 16 panels, from her birth to the time when she was cruelly tortured for her Christian beliefs! Religion, religion, religion: why can’t people just practice what they believe in? Let people believe in what they want to, let them wear what they want to, let them worship whomever they want to! What makes people intersting are their differences, imagine if we all were the same, how boring would life be!! Different cultures, religions, clothes, food, languages, rituals: that’s the beauty of human kind! Yes, I dream of a perfect slightly imperfect world- dream on!

I’m back home and tired, had a nice cuppa. Didn’t have the strength to read my book on the journey back home. Saw this cute baby and her mum in the tube, she must have been less than a year old and she was playing with her mother’s mobile, flipping it about, trying to figure it out- haha- what can I say?  Kids eh, the competition out there starts early! 😉

Got up in the morning and had an idea for the background of a new work…  had started the thought process yesterday and sketched a little too on canvas but didn’t know where it would lead to so just left it so that it could speak to me.

‘The Rift’-  working title, might change it or maybe not, will see in a few days. An acrylic painting on 2 separate canvases and yet part of one whole work.

 The rift of the heart and the mind, the rift between two cultures, between two countries, between identities… for me at the moment between my 2 countries: 4 years in Britain and nearly 23 years in India. 4 years might seem short compared to time spent in India but I have grown my roots in Britain, adjusted well  to a new country, new people, new food, new mannerisms, new humour!! India now seems like a distant dream with happy memories spent with friends and family.

Initially when I came to London, I thought I wouldn’t miss India because for me it was the people that made the country and I kept in touch with it’s people- parents, friends, in-laws. I communicated through phone calls, emails, video chats and it all seemed the same. Family visits us in London and we visit them in India- it all seems perfect.

The visits back home are nice- the food, the laughs, the wars between mum and me, the mellow daughter- in-law behaviour,  the humidity (Bombay!), the Agra trip with my parents, the house, daddy’s official Ambassador, the dogs, the fancy weddings, the oh so many relatives visits! I do want to come back to the UK after everything because this is now “home”. In London, the first day I miss the people and the chitter chatter and the constant noises/sounds… but one gets back to routine here and India seemes distant again.

But it’s like this knot which remains untied, no matter what, a stubborn knot- I think of the smells, the places, the memories spent at those places, the casual college dressing, the running after Bombay BEST buses, the ‘geris’ with friends in Chandigarh, the non sensical humour which makes you laugh and it is then- I realize a part of me still longs to go back.

It all seems flowery though in thought but when I go back, at times places have changed, the usual hang out place is demolished and some pink-orange coloured buliding has come up. Friends are getting married, some having cute babies and I realize everyone and everything moves on. The country has moved on too and I have no right to make it or it’s people stop for my own selfish reasons- let a new set of people build thier own memories in a new pinky-orangey building!

So, I’m here in Britain and in India at the same time- loyalties to both countries- irritated sometimes with both- but happy with my dual homes! 🙂 But a rift will always remain in the heart-  currently it’s the countries but even if I go back to India and settle there, they’ll be a new rift- between my 2 identities (a post on it some other day).

Btw, yesterday’s painting title confirmed: The End of Spring. <the end of my spring really- saw a few grey hair in the mirror- shocking, hehe- I am now officially getting old and wiser, ha!>